


906090

by wajjs



Category: DCU, Green Lantern - All Media Types, Green Lantern Corps (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, I've been told I just wrote a doujin scenario and you know what? I'm here for it, Man Tiddies, Multi, Pre-OT4, Pre-Slash, Prompt Fill, Suggestive Themes, now with art!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25832638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wajjs/pseuds/wajjs
Summary: He sees another picture, slightly more focused and with questionable outdoor lightning, that somehow manages to leave the helmet nearly in the dark but the chest in full display. Someone replies underneath that post with a milk gif. And that, that gets Kyle thinking.
Relationships: Hal Jordan/Jason Todd, Hal Jordan/Kyle Rayner, Hal Jordan/Kyle Rayner/Jason Todd, Kyle Rayner/Jason Todd
Comments: 10
Kudos: 86





	906090

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by an ask I got on tumblr, [here's the og post](https://wajjs.tumblr.com/post/626104976165519360/hey-hey-my-hal-imagine-kyle-trying-to-compare)

**906090**

The idea strikes him at 4am on the third day without sleep. He’s mindlessly refreshing his social media of choice for the sixth time in a row when an extremely blurry, low quality phone picture of the Red Hood pops up in his feed. So first he laughs because it makes Jason look much more of a cryptid than Batman could ever hope to be. He also makes a comment that says

c̷̣̀̊̅̄r̸̫͉̖̖̅̽͠ỹ̷̺͉p̴͎̑̀t̴̜̫͓͎͘͘ĩ̶̧̯̖̝͙͛͑̎d̸̰̘̼̃̆̆̚ ̴̨͔̖̽̈́͘͜ď̶̌ͅe̵̪̓̅̽̑̊̓ͅţ̵̮̞̐͋̈́ẹ̸̠̝̫̽c̶̬͉̪͂͐̾͛͘ẗ̶̡̰̟̺̫̞́̊̌̃͘ę̵̳͐͛̽̚d̸̖̭͊͝,

with lots of laugh-crying emojis added at the end.

Then he sees another picture, slightly more focused and with questionable outdoor lightning, that somehow manages to leave the helmet nearly in the dark but the chest in full display. Someone replies underneath that post with a milk gif. Pronounced with a g because he’s not a psychopath like Guy. And that, that gets Kyle thinking.

Because there is one other man he knows well and close that really does have big man tits. Like, some serious honkers. A real set of badonkers. The man’s packing some good dobonhonkeros, massive dohoonkabhankoloos, big old tonhongerekoogers, giant bonkhonagahoogs, humongous hungolomghnonoloughong-

He falls asleep then, but the idea isn’t forgotten.

How Kyle Rayner, Green Lantern of Planet Earth, occasional White Lantern, the e-boy of the Corps, manages to get both Hal Jordan, Green Lantern Supreme, with the good waistline and the good thighs, and Jason Todd, resident zombie boy who thinks helmets are hoods and so many mommy and daddy issues he’s the face people print next to the definition in dictionaries; how he gets the two in one room is a slight of hand Kyle will never reveal. It might have included blackmail, usage of some IOU’s.

Some hits to the head. Nothing that can be confirmed.

The thing is, Hal Jordan and Jason Todd are in Kyle’s bedroom, sitting on Kyle’s bed and glaring holes into Kyle’s face. Kyle is much too pleased with himself to care.

“Come on guys, think of this as science!”

“My ass,” Hal huffs, crossing his arms over his chest and making his pecs more pronounced in the process.

"No, not that,” Kyle smiles, taking out a measuring tape, the one that was in his mom’s sewing kit. “Off with the shirts now!”

“Why are we doing this?,” even though he asks that with a put off voice, Jason’s already lifting his shirt by the hem, muscles flexing with the movement. Both Hal and Kyle stare for a second.

“He’s got dirt on you,” Hal mutters, shifting a little where he’s sitting before seemingly deciding he’s no fucking chicken and he’s already here, so he might as fucking well play the fuck along, because his shirt comes off at the same time as he says, “and he bribed me.”

“With what?”

“None of your business, bat junior.”

“Oh, that ain’t me,” Jason laughs, folding his article of clothing neatly and setting it aside, “that’s the little brat.”

“There are too many of you, anybody ever told you that?,” it’s no surprise that Hal also folds his shirt. Military training and all.

Kyle grins. Things are going just according to plan.

He spends the next thirty minutes comparing their chests. First, he measures the outline, going all the way around the back to the front. Hal doesn’t say a thing so far, but Jason twitches a little when Kyle accidentally flicks a nipple with the edge of the measuring tape as he drags it into an optimate position.

The three of them stay particularly silent when that happens. The air in the room thickens a little.

Next, Kyle sets the tape aside and rubs his hands together. ‘To warm them up’, he clarifies when he gets two raised eyebrows. This doesn’t exactly clarify much. There’s no need. Actions speak louder than words.

Kneeling in front of Jason, he smiles encouragingly.

“May I?,” he asks, because he’s got some manners still.

Jason only hesitates for a second.

“Just do it.”

So Kyle grins, puts his thumbs right in between Jason’s pecs, cupping the underside of the two of them with his hands. Hal snorts, eyes not missing a single thing, as Kyle lifts them up a little, pushing them up like his own hands were a bra. When he looks up, he notices there’s redness in the tip of Jason’s ears, slowly spreading all the way to the bridge of his nose. This only propels him to work harder.

So he repeats the pushing up action a couple of times more, attentively testing the give and the bouncy quality of the muscles. He hums, nods to himself, before relocating his hands, this time pressing his palm fully onto the flesh, fingers curling in, squeezing into the tender softness.

Jason surely tries to say something, but all that comes out is a choked gasp. The only other loud sound in the room is Hal’s breathing, even in the exact way that lets you know he’s purposefully trying to keep it that way. Kyle isn’t paying too much attention, though. He’s immersed in his testing, his measuring. To make sure he fully captures in his hands the feeling of Jason’s chest.

He does think it’s weird that Hal is this quiet. He chalks it up to a small blessing.

When he’s satisfied, he slowly lets go, lets his fingertips caress the supple skin, brush over stiff nipples, appreciating the goosebumps arising to the surface.

“Had enough?,” Jason’s voice breaks them out of their trance. It sounds strangled. Kyle nods.

“Hal-”

“Yeah, yeah,” he replies with fake ease, uncrosses his arms, which fall back to his sides. “Finish up this measuring nonsense.”

The smile Kyle offers is bright enough to light up a whole planet.

He’s getting down on his knees again, right in between another set of glorious thighs, face close to another beautiful chest. He has the urge to lick his lips but he doesn’t, that would be weird. So he just cups Hal’s pecs in his hands, feels the warmth irradiating from the skin, and begins pushing up.

Of course.

Of course that’s when his window gets forced open, curtains pushed aside hastily, and none other than Guy Gardner floats in, brown paper bag of to-go food in one hand.

“Hey, Rayner! Hope you don’t mind I’m here, I even brought-,” he stops, one foot on the floor, torso already fully inside, and his eyes finally take in the heady atmosphere he just crashed like an agitated bull running amok inside an antiquities shop. “Uh… Huh?”

Hal has gone from being pliant under Kyle’s hands to impenetrable marble. Kyle wants to cry. How can he test for bounciness like this?!

“Why is- Jordan, why are you undresse- who is this other guy?!”

Jason snorts.

“Hey, Hal, is everyone in the corps like this?”

“Shut up,” a second, “John and Jessica are our only hope.”

Guy has yet to move from his half in, half out spot. He focuses on where, exactly, Kyle’s hands are.

“Did I just really walk in on a fucking three way? Kyle, you got the hots for Jordan? What the fuck?”

“Oh come on,” Jason laughs a little, rolls his shoulders, makes himself look a little bigger, “who doesn’t?”

**Author's Note:**

> Kyle in the middle of the foursome when it inevitably happens: guys keep it down my mom's home!!! ! !!
> 
> Art by the AMAZING fellow Hal Tiddy Enthusiast, [Roshanak](http://roshanakkk.tumblr.com)!!!!!


End file.
